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THE WAITRESS

So, in my life, I’ve come across a few of these. The man who loves all things (especially women) non-Asian. The man who wants to marry an “Asian” girl, clearly not because he wants to, but more to please Mummy! We’ve all met one at least once in our lives, and if you haven’t, then you are very lucky!

I met one not long ago. Things started off quite well. He made me feel very comfortable and I was genuinely interested in getting to know him a bit better.

After some time communicating, he told me that he would like to concentrate on speaking exclusively with me for now, so would not be going online until we met again and gave each other a fair chance. I was a little surprised, but thought the gesture was nice, and maybe it was his way of showing he was a decent and honest man.

We continued to talk and soon we arranged to meet for a coffee. When we met, he was kind, polite, and attentive. We went to a lovely Italian place and the waitress came over to take our order. She was tanned and tall and looked very well groomed! He mentioned to me that he was previously married to an Italian woman and loved all things Italian. I pointed out that I’m not Italian, but he seemed okay with this.

He then went on to throw a few Italian words at the waitress (a simple “hot chocolate and coffee, please” would have been sufficient). Unfortunately, the waitress clearly didn’t have the slightest idea of what he was saying, so asked him to repeat himself, explaining that she doesn’t speak Italian. He then repeated the order in plain English. The waitress awkwardly walked away with the order.

He then talked some more about his Italian ex, and how Italian she was, and how much he loves all things Italian. By now I was imagining the big boot of the Italian map kicking him. My mind wandered off a little as he went on and on. To be honest, he wasn’t the best looking of men either, and I thought it would have been great if he actually looked Italian… it would have made the meeting more bearable, at least.

He continued to stare at the waitress very awkwardly, so I asked if he was okay. He realised that he was drooling a little, so he tried to rectify himself by commenting that he thought the waitress looked weird, and like the woman from Birds of a Feather. I was a bit confused by this, so asked him which one, and he said “Linda” (the thinner one out of the two, but still not attractive and with no resemblance to the waitress at all). I said I didn’t see the resemblance and continued to try to steer the conversation towards getting to know one another. He clearly wasn’t interested or listening and was preoccupied with his drooling (I knew I should have put the travel-size Kleenex in my bag.)

The waitress then came back with our drinks. We continued to talk, finished our drinks, and then I decided it was time to leave, as I’d heard enough about Italy, and the table was so soaked full of drool by now that I thought I might drown.

I excused myself to go to the ladies’ room (mainly to get away from him), and when I began to head back to the table, I noticed from a distance that he had his phone out, and was speaking to the waitress, who was bright red and looked very uncomfortable.

I could see that he was flashing his phone in her face, trying to show her something. I decided to stand back and watch for a bit, just to see. He then went on to ask the waitress her name and if she was Italian or not. “You look Italian,” he said. He then went on to show her a picture on his phone and said, “I think you look like this actress. She is gorgeous, just like you.” At this point, I thought, “Yuck, Linda from Birds of a Feather is not gorgeous. Oh dear, maybe he’s into oldies?” But the waitress wasn’t old.

I then approached the table, and he looked startled and quickly put his phone down. The waitress took the cue to quickly leave, so I asked him casually what he was saying to the waitress. He said, “Nothing, I was just paying the bill.” I then mentioned I’d overheard him say she looked like an actress, and that the young waitress may have found it offensive that he’s saying she looks like an older unattractive woman.

It wasn’t until then that I saw the picture he was showing the waitress wasn’t Linda from Birds of a Feather, but was, in fact, the lovely Julia Stiles (best known from her role in 10 Things I Hate About You). I called him out on this and he then became very defensive and said, “Yes, well, I was just telling her that she’s pretty and looks like she could be a film actress, and she looks like Julia Stiles, that’s all.”

I found it all a bit embarrassing and strange, especially as the waitress was obviously also embarrassed. I could tell she was feeling sorry for me, along with the other waitresses, who were now all staring at me and looking at him with disgust. I have no idea what else he had said to her, and I didn’t really want to know, either. It was all very bizarre and a bit risky on his part to do this whilst on a meet-up, to be honest.

I left as quickly as I could and texted him when I got home to say that this clearly wasn’t going to work. He asked why!

I told him that I found his behaviour inappropriate, and the only explanation I got was, “She was pretty and looked Italian, so I told her.”

So, I guess he loves all things Italian… Did I mention that?

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