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THE HIDDEN CHILD

Why do so many men lie about having children?

It’s a typical situation I’ve seen many women finding themselves in recently. They meet a man, they spend time getting to know him and a long way down the line they suddenly find out that he has a child (or a few of them). There is no mention of children on their online profiles or throughout the many conversations. Even when asked, they do not mention having any children and often deny it.

It's not that he has a child (or a few of them) that’s the concern here, it's the fact that he either lied about not having any children, or the fact that he hasn’t even mentioned it that makes him come across as completely disingenuous.


Okay, maybe you're he’s not comfortable spilling his whole family situation on the first date, or until he is comfortable enough, but come on. Surely, a child should be a huge part of his life, one he is proud of and wants to talk about or mention at least. So why hide the truth? ...Especially when this could be a deal breaker for some women – wouldn't you want to know early on? 


If I had children, I would be up front from day one, I would be proud of the fact. I would want to know that the person I am looking for a serious relationship with is okay with this. I would want to know whether or not he even wants to have children or is okay with children. Otherwise, further down the line, I would be wasting his and my time and hurting myself, hurting my (imaginary, in my case) children, and hurting him, too, especially if it was a deal-breaker for him. 


Having children is a big part of anyone’s life, so why not just be straight-up from day one and disclose this information, either on your online profile, on the first date (or at least by the third date), in conversation, or when things are getting serious… especially when things are getting serious! 

I have experienced this a few times myself and I keep hearing stories like this again and again.


I met a man who did not mention any children on his profile, nor did he mention having any children the several times we met. We had been talking for a while about many things yet there was no mention of any children despite me asking him if he had any. I found this a little strange when I did probe him on it from a hunch I had, and he finally admitted having a child. He never did give me an explanation on why he hadn’t mentioned this fact.


So, maybe the man thinks it may put the woman off? Telling her he has children may not be easy, or what some women want to hear. It may even be due to a complicated background story, but then, if you are serious about the woman, and more importantly, care about your children’s feelings, then you really should mention this early on, so you don't waste her time if she doesn't want children (or isn't comfortable with the situation) and you know that you’re with a woman who will love and value your children as much as you do.


So, if you have children, then don't let it make you feel like you can't find love, but just be honest and tell the woman early on, so that you can both assess if it’s something you can work with or not. Don’t let it come as a sudden surprise.


We would be interested in hearing whether you would marry someone who has children from a previous partner or not and why. And for those men who do not mention their children, why is this?


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